i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's the barista slut.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
