She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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