I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
