why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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