how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
