whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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