Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
