Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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