Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
wow bdsm is so cute
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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