she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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