He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize