I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How does it feel to date your dad?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
