I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
