During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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