Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So. Much. Porn.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
