I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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