I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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