Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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