We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
