I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
either way he was missing a nipple.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
