That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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