she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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