It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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