When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
