I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
