Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
