someone owes me an orgasm
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I party with great urgency now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize