You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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