Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
