Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
