Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
