Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize