I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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