just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
