Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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