Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
