As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
