Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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