I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
