how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
