Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
