he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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