Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
