I'm gonna have a badass scar
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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