Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
