You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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