sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
