And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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