Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
