Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I enjoy the company of your penis
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