I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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