I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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