dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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