So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
