The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
