I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.