franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
