Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
