Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
